Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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