some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
