Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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