did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize