You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
