so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
