if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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