Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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