I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
