What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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