We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
is this the sara with the beer cane?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
