That's intense
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
