we have pet lesbian snakes
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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