I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
