try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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