i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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