you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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