can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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