i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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