Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
