In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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