The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize