Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
