remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
