Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I died a long time ago.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
