The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
