Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
