I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
