i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's blow job season.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My life is pants optional.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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