thus making me awesome and them whores
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
