Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
