the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just pee around me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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