You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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