So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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