I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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