My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
