I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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