i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Panties = found
Randomize