I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
