i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize