At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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