I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
