Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
