He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish you could order shots online.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
