this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
