My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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