AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
