I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
