I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize