Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
