then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
