Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize