I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize