you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
