maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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