you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
