come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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