hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
