I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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