It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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