I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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