The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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