I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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